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molotov_love390's journal
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Heroin or Suicide  my husband has a girlfriend and wants a divorce... I have great luck with men... so here's my plan: 1. I was a live in nanny and he lived with me obviously... however, my boss isn't kicking him out and like an asshole expects me to live there with him flaunting around a girlfriend... so because I can't live there I can't have the job.... and since it's his fault that means I can go after him for alimony... 2. he owes a lot of money on his jeep and he's been hiding it from the repo company for a year... so I contacted the bank he got his loan from and told them where to find their property. 3. he put me on his bank account a week ago... nuff said... 4. I was an underpaid under the table nanny... so my father is contacting the authorities and informing them the these people are employing people illegally... 5. current indiscretions of my boss's husband: homosexual infidelity, prostitution, stealing her money to smoke crack... I think my boss and I need to have a talk... 6. the husband isn't supposed to be living in the house with his children... DCF court order... but he is... and she's allowing it... now that's a little low for me but my mother decided she wanted to do that... any other suggestions... he destroyed my marriage, my job, and my home... he deserves his come-uppins... I quit smoking 5 days ago and I'm going haywire... so I looked up ways to fight off cravings and one interesting way was to write a goodbye letter to smoking... so here it is... Dear Camel Wide Gauge Non-Menthol, Although you have made me very happy in the past I can't smoke you anymore. I feel like you've tricked me and you don't honestly care about my health or my future. I've found myself not sleeping at night again and again because of you keeping me up all night coughing and spitting (which isn't very sexy for a woman to be doing). You make me stink, gain weight, have yellow teeth, etc... I can't breathe sometimes and I fear that I might be developing lung cancer. If you really loved me you wouldn't give me chronic diseases. So it seems as if this isn't a mutual love between us, which isn't fair to me. I need to care about myself more than I care about you. So don't call me anymore because I'm not going to answer. I've chosen a new path and you need to also. Thank you for all the good memories we shared. XOXO -Bonnie well that was a little stupid and I still want a cigarette... any suggestions?!?!.... I feel like a skid mark... like the kind navy guys have in their underwear... don't deny it... I've washed your laundry... I figured out where I went wrong finally... I'm not selfish enough... I feel better about myself when I'm doing good by someone else... well maybe it's for selfish reasons... but it has the same effect... right now diamonds, cell phones, and laptops are banned from my life because of Africa... my house is a squat because I let the homeless and hungry in... I babysit for free which takes up ALL my spare time because my friend is in jail and his wife hasn't found any babysitter that worked out except me... I'm supporting 2 people without jobs who I don't even like... I swear there is no job I've ever personally experienced worse than where I'm working now... I'm not up to dragging on a "feel sorry for me list" but I just wanted to make a point... with all the bullshit going on that I just complained about... honestly I've never been happier then I am now... I'm working extremely hard for my money which makes that little bit of money an enormous reward to me... and as far as the "charity" I feel like I'm giving back to the world what I was given by people... maybe it was short-lived and sometimes unbearable to live with some of the people I've lived with... but maybe just for a week or a day they really did care about my well-being and everyone deserves that feeling... except like baby-rapers and stuff obviously... it's like that pay-it-forward movie... I know it's a crappy reference but either way the feeling is awesome... sorry to make another crappy movie reference (even though I like the movie) but I saw 10,000 B.C. yesterday and some ancient holder-of-the-white-spear dude said something along the lines of : some great men draw a circle around their closest family and care only for them, other great men draw a larger circle around brothers, sisters, cousins, friends, and other people who are close to them, then the greatest men put a circle around the whole world... certainly not an exact quote... and for some reason the damnned internet can't help me find it... but you get the picture... the point is that I'm happy because I'm useful in some way to so many people... and I make them happy... people can't take advantage of me anymore... I help them get on the right track, sometimes forcefully, and they grow and better themselves... I have a reason to be happy now... I'm still mean to everyone... but I'm being helpful by being mean sometimes... kind but not nice... I don't care assholes... I'm fucking happy... you white people suck... I feel so sick and alone... Mark isn't getting out on Friday... there is no way of telling when he's getting out... I talked to the navy Chaplain and she told me that Mark really did commit the crime... so now I don't know what to believe... she has no reason to lie to me... she isn't prosecuting him... she is trying to help him... there's absolutely no one I can talk to right now... I have to deal with a lot all by myself... there's isn't anyone I can trust to tel what happened to me Saturday... at least no one I can talk to face to face... I'm stuck in this house with people I don't know or connect to at all... my friends aren't really friends I guess... they're more concerned with having sex with me and trying to destroy my relationship than actually being there for me right now... I've never felt this unhappy... and Mark isn't around to set up my insurance so I can at least talk to a therapist... maybe get some kind of anti-depressant temporarily until all this blows over... but that won't happen so I just have to deal with it alone... and what if he really did steal the dvd player??... I can't be married to a criminal... that's just asking for problems... and I don't want to divorce Mark... like EVER... he's the best and worst thing that's ever happened to me... LJ Friends Meme by coolerq• You must tell 3 people about this game.• Mark is the one that you love. • Megyn is one you like but can't work out. • You care most about Geoff. • Pete is the one who knows you very well. • Pete D is your lucky star. • Crack Rock Steady is the song that matches with Mark. • Another Brick in the Wall is the song for Megyn. • Crank that (soulja boy) is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. • and This Love is the song telling you how you feel about life Take this quiz hmm... it's almost correct... Mark's in the Brigg (civilians... that's navy jail)... he's accused of stealing car stereos or something... he claims he didn't do it but he does have a stereo that was reported stolen... he has an alibi that actually makes sense... however I wasn't there when he got it so I don't know if he did it... all I know is I spent 2 weeks with him as his wife before he was taken from me... 2 weeks of the nut house for saying he wanted to kill the person who set him up and now he's in the Brigg... he's on pre-trial so there's no way of knowing when he's getting out... I really hope he's telling me the truth and they let him go... but in the meantime I feel so goddamn alone... as soon as he went away all my friends showed their true colors by trying to sleep with me so I haven't been speaking to anyone... and I can't be around drugs so I moved out of my mother's house and she's really mad at me for it... so now I'm alone... these people I'm living with are Mark's friends and I don't really know them... I seem to be having trouble connecting with them too... our personalities clash severely... I just wish there was someone here that could make me feel better... just like a tiny bit... On Friday, August 10, 2007 I will be Mrs. Bonnie Viscount-McDonald... that's right... it's all set up and I'll be wifey!!... it's a little scary but mostly exciting... I'm very happy with Mark right now... he quit drinking (hasn't even thought about it in like a month) and he wants to get his kids involved in his life if they are actually his... he still won't give me a baby for a long time but I can deal with just being auntie-mommy to Charlotte and Jarreth for now... although Mark and I fall asleep at different times every night (he's lazy and NEEDS to be in bed by 10) we always both seem to wake up at 5:30 in the fucking morning... why??... because, I'm convinced, he doesn't like when I'm asleep and he's not... and when he's making butt loads of noise and flipping lights on and off for half an hour there's no chance in hell of me falling back to sleep... and so comes the 9 hours of trying to occupy myself and Martha at the same time while waiting for our husbands' return... damn I need a job... but all the offers won't let me have time off for a marriage and honeymoon or to be Martha's birthing partner... she seems like it's important to her that I be there when she has this one... although it's a bit discomforting knowing the huge possbility that Mark is the father... but I still really want to be there for her... Mark wants to be in the child's life one day... when he can afford it... which I think is kind of irresponsible and makes me worry that he'll do the same if I got pregnant... he's already doing that with his daughter... there's a possiblity that she isn't his so he wants a DNA test before he sends out child support but he won't take his ex-wife to court until he can afford child support... it's a little bit different in that situation though because the ex-wife wouldn't let him see his daughter from the beginning... he's only seen her once... and Mark walked in on her cheating... god do I rant sometimes... my dad's getting worse... cancer and paraneoplastic syndrome... apparently while we were all hoping for cancer the doctors failed to inform us that what were were hoping he didn't have could actually come along with cancer... they said it was one or the other... didn't give us any information about the link between the two... all we knew was that it was one or the other and cancer was what we should be praying for... now he has both and in doing a little research I discovered the average life expectancy for a paraneoplatic patient is about two to three years...a year ago he'd be jumping around drunk every night having a damn party and now he can't even stand... or think clearly... or feed himself properly... just shakes constantly and gets depressed... I don't know what the family would do without him...
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